So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We got so high we made milksteak
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
