genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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