I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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