Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
