but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
