Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
