Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
