it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
