My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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