i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
