We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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