Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
