i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
