I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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