So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
