Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
