Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
