Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
