someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
ttyl tear gas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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