as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
