I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
