How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were trust falling into bushes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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