if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
