I hate your face
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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