I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
