i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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