I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
