He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
