I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
