Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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