at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
