imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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