Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
