from now on my penis is your penis
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
