I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
