Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
