I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
