oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
