Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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