whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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