i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I understand Curling. That high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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