So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
