i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
