dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
