Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
