we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
