We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he fucked my hip out of place.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
