It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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