whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
