i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry about my life...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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