Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
