try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
