This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
