this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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